who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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