i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
