I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
