We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
