The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
