new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
