I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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