I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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