I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
