The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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