I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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