Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
that is very illegal...i love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
