Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
