According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You left your phone here
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