Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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