How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
