my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize