4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
