I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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