This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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