he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
