I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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