I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
