I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
