I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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