fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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