I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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