He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The best revenge is premature balding
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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