Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
