I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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