More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
