We named our party play list daddy issues
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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