And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
