You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
