You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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