Don't make out with my wife yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
