So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
