All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
