wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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