Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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