Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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