I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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