can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
