It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
