All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
