Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
