I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Two words: blizzard sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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