Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
