How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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