Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
