Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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