Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
