I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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