My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
