so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I believe in your delicious
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
