just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
