i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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