Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
