We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They have beer where we have blood.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
