she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
