oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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