i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
